Begin with the room, not the menu

A family celebration lives or dies on comfort. Before you fall for a menu, think about who is coming: grandparents, toddlers, teenagers, maybe an uncle who uses a walking frame. A restaurant with a steep staircase to an upstairs function room might be perfect for a 21st birthday, but hopeless for a 70th. Ask about step-free access, the width between tables, and whether the chairs have backs. Booths can be brilliant for keeping children contained, but they are awkward for anyone with limited mobility. Round tables are better than long rectangles for conversation, especially if you have more than ten people. Check the noise level too. A packed Friday-night curry house can be great fun, but if half your party is hard of hearing, you will all be exhausted by the starters. Many Bangladeshi-owned restaurants have a quieter side room or a partitioned area; ask for it.

Match the menu to the crowd

Sylheti cooking is not the same as the generic British curry-house menu, and that is a good thing. Look for dishes that show off the region: beef or lamb with shatkora, a bitter citrus fruit that cuts through rich gravy; puthi fish with cauliflower or potatoes; dried fish bhorta; and the wonderful array of mashed vegetable bhortas. If the restaurant serves mezbani-style beef or a whole fish in a large handi, that can become the centrepiece of your feast. For cautious eaters, chicken bhuna, lamb karai or a mild dal will keep everyone happy. Vegetarians should not be fobbed off with one sad aubergine dish; a proper Sylheti spread might include dal, aloo gobi, spinach bhorta, chickpea curry and paneer. Ask how hot the kitchen cooks. "Medium" means different things in different kitchens, so request mild or extra mild for children and let the adults add chilli pickle at the table. If you have nut, dairy or gluten concerns, mention them when booking, not when you sit down.

Ordering portions without waste

Curry houses are generous, and it is easy to order twice as much as you need. As a rough guide for a mixed group of ten adults and children, start with six or seven main dishes, three portions of rice, six breads and four side dishes, then add more later if needed. A whole fish or a lamb shank will feed three or four people alongside rice and bread. A large biryani is often enough for four people, or five if there are plenty of sides. Starters are where budgets and stomachs both suffer: two or three pieces per person is plenty. Balance the table with dry bhunas, saucy karai or handi dishes, a mild dal and something tangy like shatkora. Ask for the dishes to come in stages: starters first, then a short pause, then mains. Otherwise everything arrives at once and goes cold. If you over-order, ask for containers to take leftovers home; most places are happy to help. Children under eight can usually share an adult main, and a plain naan or chapati with mild dal is a safer bet than a full curry.

Drinks, desserts and the sweet finish

A Sylheti meal often ends with something sweet and a glass of tea. Borhani, the salted yoghurt drink, is a brilliant partner to rich food and is worth asking for; not every curry house makes it, but those that do are proud of it. Mango lassi or plain water with lemon will please younger diners. If you want a celebration cake, ask in advance whether you can bring your own and whether there is a charge for plates or a cutting fee. Some restaurants will dim the lights and bring it out with a round of "Happy Birthday"; others prefer to keep things simple. For dessert, look for firni, shirni, mishti doi or gulab jamun. If the kitchen makes fresh jilapi, order a plate for the table to share. Finish with hot tea, not a heavy coffee, and let the meal settle. A good curry house will not rush you out after the last spoonful, especially if you have booked a long table.

Booking, timings and the practical bits

For a family celebration, book two to three weeks ahead, and ring rather than using an online form if you are more than twelve people. Ask about sitting times: many popular restaurants run two sittings on Friday and Saturday. An early 5.30pm booking suits young children and older relatives, while a late lunch on Sunday can feel more relaxed. Pre-order your starters and mains for large groups; this avoids a long wait and helps the kitchen cook properly. Confirm the deposit, cancellation policy and whether service charge is added. Check parking, bus routes and step-free access. If your celebration falls during Ramadan or Eid, book much further ahead, as many Bangladeshi restaurants are exceptionally busy. Ask whether you can have a separate area, a long table or a round table, and whether high chairs, prams and wheelchairs can be accommodated. A quiet word about allergies, accessibility and timings at the booking stage saves a lot of stress on the day.

Questions to ask when you call

Before you commit, run through this list. It will make you sound like a seasoned host, and it will help the restaurant look after you properly.

• Do you have a set menu for groups, or can we order from the main menu?
• Can we pre-order, and how much notice do you need?
• Is the restaurant step-free, and are the toilets accessible?
• Do you have high chairs, space for prams and a quiet area?
• How hot is your Sylheti medium, and can you make mild versions for children?
• Do you serve borhani, firni and mishti, or can we bring a celebration cake?
• Is there a time limit on the table, and is service charge included?
• Can you cater for vegetarian, vegan, nut-free and gluten-free guests?

Get clear answers, book with confidence, and your family feast will be remembered for the food, the laughter and the second helping of biryani, not the seating plan.