Start with how the menu actually works

Most "Indian" restaurants in Britain are run by Bangladeshi families, many with roots in Sylhet, and the kitchen reflects that. A lot of the cooking is built on a base gravy made in large batches, then finished to order with your choice of protein and spice. That is good news for you: the dish is not fixed in stone. You can ask for less oil, more tomato, extra green chilli, or no cream, and a good kitchen will oblige without a fuss.

The trick to a balanced meal is to think in components rather than courses. You want something fresh, something rich in protein, something starchy, and something cooling. Most unhappy restaurant meals happen because people order three creamy curries, two breads and a pile of pilau, and then wonder why they feel heavy an hour later.

Starters: share one, not one each

Starters are where the balance usually goes wrong, because fried food is cheap and easy to over-order. Treat the starter course as a small, shared beginning rather than a first dinner.

• Papadums and the chutney tray are the lightest way to begin. The onion salad is the freshest thing on the table; mango chutney and lime pickle are sugary and salty, so use them as seasoning rather than a dip.
• Choose grilled over fried where you can. A shami kebab, chicken tikka, tandoori prawns or a fish pakora give you plenty of flavour with far less oil than a battered bhaji.
• Order one fried starter between two — onion bhaji or vegetable pakora — and cut it into pieces so everyone gets a taste.
• Be wary of the mixed platter for one. It is often enough for two people as a starter, and it is nearly all fried.

If the restaurant cooks Sylheti specials as well as the standard menu — shatkora beef, a home-style fish curry, a dry bhuna of lamb — ask about them. They are often lighter and more interesting than anything in the laminated section.

Choose your curry by sauce, not by heat

Heat is the least useful way to pick a curry. Sauce style tells you far more about how the dish will sit with everything else on the table.

• Bhuna is thick, reduced and relatively low in sauce — a good choice if you want depth without a lake of gravy.
• Jalfrezi is stir-fried with peppers and chilli: sharp, fresh and lighter than most.
• Dupiaza and rogan josh sit in the middle: tomato-based, moderately rich.
• Korma, passanda and butter-style dishes are the richest, built on cream, coconut and ground nuts. They are delicious, but one at the table is plenty.
• Balti and karahi are cooked quickly in a wok, so they tend to be fresher-tasting and less oily than slow-simmered dishes.

For protein, grilled chicken tikka, king prawns, lamb and chickpeas all hold up well. If you want a creamy curry, balance it with a dry one — a bhuna alongside a passanda works beautifully. And a dal, such as tarka dal or chana masala, can happily be a main rather than a side.

Sides, rice and bread

This is where a balanced meal is won or lost, because starchy sides arrive in enormous portions.

• One rice between two people is usually right. Plain boiled rice is lighter than pilau, which is cooked with ghee.
• Swap one naan for a chapati or roti. Naan is bigger, richer and more filling; a chapati does the same mopping job without the weight.
• Order at least one vegetable dish: sag aloo, bindi bhaji, aubergine, or a simple mixed vegetable curry.
• Add a raita or plain yoghurt. It cools the palate, adds protein, and lets you enjoy a hotter dish than you otherwise might.

Drinks that do some work

Drinks shape how the meal feels as much as the food does. A salty lassi is the traditional partner to a curry: it is cooling, lightly sour and genuinely refreshing. A mango lassi is lovely but sweet enough to count as dessert, so share one. Masala chai at the end is a gentler finish than a pudding.

Sparkling water with lime cuts through richness better than anything else on the menu. If you are drinking alcohol, a crisp lager or a dry white works well; a pint of something sweet and strong alongside a korma will make you feel considerably worse than the food deserves.

Putting it together

For two people, a reliable formula is: one grilled starter to share, one bhuna or jalfrezi with chicken, lamb or prawns, one dal or vegetable side, one rice, one bread, and a raita. Add a second curry only if you genuinely want leftovers.

For four, scale up gently: two grilled starters, three curries with clearly different sauces, two vegetable sides, two rices and two breads. Order a naga or vindaloo only if someone at the table really wants it, and never order two.

Eat slowly, share from the middle, and finish with chai rather than another course. Do that and you will leave full, satisfied and still able to taste the shatkora.